Dudes, like, totally
Lately, I have been attempting to bring some much-needed life to my office. For example, people often post pictures of dogs available for adoption. I will print out these pictures and hang them on my wall. Do I like dogs? Not really. They smell, and they are stupid, and there's little that could ever be said to change my mind on that subject. And yet, I have something of a menagerie of unwanted dogs on my wall.
I couldn't really bear to have them all stare at me, so I printed out a ton of make-your-own stickers from stopgeorgein2004.com (or something like that), and placed a sticker over each dog's face. So now, my menagerie is no longer staring at me - there are just bodies of dogs with stickers over their faces that reads: "George Bush went to war and all we got was this lousy economy." In my heart of hearts, truly, I know that this bored habit turned political statement will make a difference come November. Mark my words, dudes.
Also, my boss asked me where a particular attorney was. This attorney, who I shall refer to as "Dakota" if only because I find that name to be nearly as ridiculous as "Cleveland", was just there and then she up and went off somewhere. Sadly, I didn't know where said where was, so I was of little help to my boss. I thought that it would be fun to don miner's helmets, complete with little candles for lights, grab a flashlight and then go hunting through the office looking for Dakota. I mean, let's all picture me, Dan, crouching and sneaking through a perfectly normal downtown office building with a miner's hat calling for Dakota to come out from wherever it was that she was hiding. I could even grab some post-it flags to mark locations that I had already searched so as not to waste time repeating myself. But yeah, none of this searching crap happened - I instead returned to my computer, where I sat on my ass or something equally rewarding.
A last idea that I've had would be to take someone's frozen lunch from the microwave before they do. Not to be mean, or because I otherwise had forgotten my lunch. Rather, I'd just like to know what someone would do. Let's imagine...
you walk into the break room, and there I am, sitting and drinking coffee. Maybe I'm talking to a friend. Regardless, I look perfectly innocuous, so with little to no apprehension you put your Swedish Meatballs Lean Cuisine in the microwave and come back in 5-6 minutes. Meanwhile, I just up and take the meatballs out of the microwave. When you return to find a dearth of prepared Swedish Meatball Lean Cuisines, well - there's me, still sitting.
Basically, I would play dumb (save the jokes, please). And how can you do anything but take my word for it? I mean, how do you respond to someone that seems to have utterly no knowledge of your missing Swedish Meatballs Lean Cuisine? Like, there's just no out. It's like an episode of Punk'd. Only with me sitting in an office breakroom, and a real dearth of celebrities/tv personalities. Is that a change for the better? Eh, whatever.
I wonder if it means anything that this is apparently what my life has come to these days. Trying to make mischief in an office. Am I missing some amount of mischief in my life otherwise? Maybe. Hell, I don't really know. I don't even know that I know that I'm even talking about. Missing out on stuff? I think that's a pretty bogus approach to life. Do I miss the fact that I never went wild in Daytona for a spring break? No, not really. While certainly "one of those things that you do", I don't think it was ever something that I would have done. I won't have my life dictated to me by vague, ethereal notions of what I should or ought to be doing.
Speaking of bogus, of course, all we do is listen to vague, ethereal notions of what we should be doing. Well, what are we all if not hypocritical about most things?
To hell with it all.
xoxo,
ddm
email me
Lately, I have been attempting to bring some much-needed life to my office. For example, people often post pictures of dogs available for adoption. I will print out these pictures and hang them on my wall. Do I like dogs? Not really. They smell, and they are stupid, and there's little that could ever be said to change my mind on that subject. And yet, I have something of a menagerie of unwanted dogs on my wall.
I couldn't really bear to have them all stare at me, so I printed out a ton of make-your-own stickers from stopgeorgein2004.com (or something like that), and placed a sticker over each dog's face. So now, my menagerie is no longer staring at me - there are just bodies of dogs with stickers over their faces that reads: "George Bush went to war and all we got was this lousy economy." In my heart of hearts, truly, I know that this bored habit turned political statement will make a difference come November. Mark my words, dudes.
Also, my boss asked me where a particular attorney was. This attorney, who I shall refer to as "Dakota" if only because I find that name to be nearly as ridiculous as "Cleveland", was just there and then she up and went off somewhere. Sadly, I didn't know where said where was, so I was of little help to my boss. I thought that it would be fun to don miner's helmets, complete with little candles for lights, grab a flashlight and then go hunting through the office looking for Dakota. I mean, let's all picture me, Dan, crouching and sneaking through a perfectly normal downtown office building with a miner's hat calling for Dakota to come out from wherever it was that she was hiding. I could even grab some post-it flags to mark locations that I had already searched so as not to waste time repeating myself. But yeah, none of this searching crap happened - I instead returned to my computer, where I sat on my ass or something equally rewarding.
A last idea that I've had would be to take someone's frozen lunch from the microwave before they do. Not to be mean, or because I otherwise had forgotten my lunch. Rather, I'd just like to know what someone would do. Let's imagine...
you walk into the break room, and there I am, sitting and drinking coffee. Maybe I'm talking to a friend. Regardless, I look perfectly innocuous, so with little to no apprehension you put your Swedish Meatballs Lean Cuisine in the microwave and come back in 5-6 minutes. Meanwhile, I just up and take the meatballs out of the microwave. When you return to find a dearth of prepared Swedish Meatball Lean Cuisines, well - there's me, still sitting.
Basically, I would play dumb (save the jokes, please). And how can you do anything but take my word for it? I mean, how do you respond to someone that seems to have utterly no knowledge of your missing Swedish Meatballs Lean Cuisine? Like, there's just no out. It's like an episode of Punk'd. Only with me sitting in an office breakroom, and a real dearth of celebrities/tv personalities. Is that a change for the better? Eh, whatever.
I wonder if it means anything that this is apparently what my life has come to these days. Trying to make mischief in an office. Am I missing some amount of mischief in my life otherwise? Maybe. Hell, I don't really know. I don't even know that I know that I'm even talking about. Missing out on stuff? I think that's a pretty bogus approach to life. Do I miss the fact that I never went wild in Daytona for a spring break? No, not really. While certainly "one of those things that you do", I don't think it was ever something that I would have done. I won't have my life dictated to me by vague, ethereal notions of what I should or ought to be doing.
Speaking of bogus, of course, all we do is listen to vague, ethereal notions of what we should be doing. Well, what are we all if not hypocritical about most things?
To hell with it all.
xoxo,
ddm
email me
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home